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my darlin marilyn my heart is broken. i long to hear your sweet voice.to feel your loving touch.i have been praying for help so maybe i will understand. but i just cant. you were my soul mate. the one personi wanted to share eternity with in heaven..we have been through so much togeather.there have been many tough times but its not the tough times that i dwell on its the little things i remember. like how preaty the sun would be shining on your hair or how sweet your face was as i looked at you while you slept..how i long to hold your hand once more. to kiss your sweet lips just one more time so i could etch that moment in my mind forever.you may find another love but no one will ever love you so completly like i do.. my love for you is true.its grown day by day for more than 17 years and continues to grow even as we are apart.i hate the thought of living my life without you by my side. no matter what ever happened to me it would be o.k. as long as you were with me. i am not ging to send this letter. i was at first but i wanted you to tell me you wanted me back on your own. i didnt want to make you feel sorry for me. what happened to your heart that you would throw away a love so large ?i worry you are going to meet someone who will hurt you please be careful. take your time and make sure he cares about you.you will never read this but i felt like i had to put it down in print i dream that you would listen to your heart and realize that we belong togeather for all eternity you me and the love togeather foever and ever.i know i told you not to call but all i do is sit by the phone and stare at it waiting for it to ring and yet i know it will not..yet i still wait to hear that wonderful ring.as i stare at my mute phone i wonder what you are doing at that very moment.are you watching a movie or shopping,i can only hope that you sometimes think of me.you are never out of my mind.as the song says "you are the reason for laughing and for crying for living and for dieing you are my soul and highest inspiration".last night i sprayed some of your perfume on my pillow and it helped.i had wonderful dreams of you .once again you were in my arms.i lavished you with tender kisses. but when i woke up and reached out for you i realized it was just a dream a wonderful beautiful dream yet i still could smell your perfume.Well here i am again alone.Its not so bad that i am alone.Its that marilyn being beside me was calmingAgain i wonder what she is doing tonight.I wish to god that i was near her.I can only hope that she will forgive mefor the cruel things i put her through and did to her. I am truly the scum of the earth.I am the one that god should punish. Maybe he has.