my wife marilyn

This is about my wife marilyn. I love her with all my heart.She moved out a while back. Iy was not any fault of hers.I take all the blame for this break up.I didn't hear her crys for help. Not literally.I should have read between the lines and i didn't.I failed her.This is not earth shaking to the rest of the world but to me its like my life ended.We were togeather for over 17 years.We went through a lot of tough times but it wasn't the tough times that were the problems.It was the little things i did that destroyed our love.Like not listening to her .Oh yea i listened but i didnt hear.It was what she didn't say that i should have heard.I know its over but i need to put it down in print so others may noy make my mistakes

E-mails my big mistake

ITS HARD TO LOSE A FRIEND AND APPARENTLY I HAVE LOST YOU. I GUESS WHAT YOUR TELLING ME IS YOU ARE NOT GOING TO COME HOME.THE LAST THING I WANT IS TO FORCE YOU TO COME HOME BUT I CAN'T GO ON LIVING ON THE EDGE WONDERING IF THIS IS THE DAY SHE'S COMING,OR MAYBE TOMORROW,OR THE NEXT DAY.YOU ARE MY TRUE LOVE.I CANT TAKE HEARING YOUR SWEET VOICE ON THE PHONE AND KNOWING YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE WITH ME ANYMORE.EVERY TIME WE HANG UP IT BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES.HEARING THE SAME VOICE THAT ONCE UPON A TIME COULDN'T WAIT TO COME HOME TO ME.SO I THINK THE BEST THING IS FOR US IS TO STOP ALL CONTACT.I HOPE YOU FIND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR AND I HOPE LOVE FINDS YOU. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART. GOOD BYE MARILYN

LOVE ALWAYS AND FOREVER
LeVant
ReplyReply All
Move...Inboxsaved e-mail

my journal

8/22/09 saturday
I used to wonderhow peoplecan commit suicide.i always thought they were weak minded people.Lately i have started to realize just how a person can be drawn into the act of taking ones own life.
1.I am addicted to pain pills
2.I am addicted to tabacco
3.I have diabetes
4.I have high blood pressure
5.I have E.D.
6.I am overweight
7.I am 60 years old
Lots of negatives.Where are the positives? I don't know.Don't worry i am not going to do it,but i can now understand the thought of killing ones self might seem like the answer.I keep praying that god will step in and make her come home but i know he doesn't work like that

never sent e-mail

my darlin marilyn my heart is broken. i long to hear your sweet voice.to feel your loving touch.i have been praying for help so maybe i will understand. but i just cant. you were my soul mate. the one personi wanted to share eternity with in heaven..we have been through so much togeather.there have been many tough times but its not the tough times that i dwell on its the little things i remember. like how preaty the sun would be shining on your hair or how sweet your face was as i looked at you while you slept..how i long to hold your hand once more. to kiss your sweet lips just one more time so i could etch that moment in my mind forever.you may find another love but no one will ever love you so completly like i do.. my love for you is true.its grown day by day for more than 17 years and continues to grow even as we are apart.i hate the thought of living my life without you by my side. no matter what ever happened to me it would be o.k. as long as you were with me. i am not ging to send this letter. i was at first but i wanted you to tell me you wanted me back on your own. i didnt want to make you feel sorry for me. what happened to your heart that you would throw away a love so large ?i worry you are going to meet someone who will hurt you please be careful. take your time and make sure he cares about you.you will never read this but i felt like i had to put it down in print i dream that you would listen to your heart and realize that we belong togeather for all eternity you me and the love togeather foever and ever.i know i told you not to call but all i do is sit by the phone and stare at it waiting for it to ring and yet i know it will not..yet i still wait to hear that wonderful ring.as i stare at my mute phone i wonder what you are doing at that very moment.are you watching a movie or shopping,i can only hope that you sometimes think of me.you are never out of my mind.as the song says "you are the reason for laughing and for crying for living and for dieing you are my soul and highest inspiration".last night i sprayed some of your perfume on my pillow and it helped.i had wonderful dreams of you .once again you were in my arms.i lavished you with tender kisses. but when i woke up and reached out for you i realized it was just a dream a wonderful beautiful dream yet i still could smell your perfume.Well here i am again alone.Its not so bad that i am alone.Its that marilyn being beside me was calmingAgain i wonder what she is doing tonight.I wish to god that i was near her.I can only hope that she will forgive mefor the cruel things i put her through and did to her. I am truly the scum of the earth.I am the one that god should punish. Maybe he has.

E-mails

I promise baby I'll love youwith you forever I'll stayI'll do anything and everythingTo keep harm to you awayI promise baby I can give you hugsThat only I can giveI'll honor and protect youAs long as I shall liveI promise baby I'll give you kissesSo sweet forever you'll tasteI'll kiss you until tomorrows hereNo kisses for you to wasteI promise baby I'll be here with youLike I know hope you'll be there for meI'll bring happiness to your eyesLove deeper than the seaI promise baby I'll never hurt youforever have no fearsI'll give up everythingTo see you cry no tearsI promise baby you can trust meI'll give you all i have and moreI'll be your fairytale suitorYou shall be my Cinderella girlI promise baby I'll treat youAs only you will beMy beautiful royal princessfor only me to seeI promise baby this to youPromises so deep " But I'm truly sorry,there were only a few I keep."

yours forever LeVant

E-mails

MY DARLIN MARILYN WELL ITS 230 IN THE MORNING. I COULDN'T SLEEP. I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU.I WANT WHATS BEST FOR YOU NOT WHATS BEST FOR ME.IF YOU DON'T REALLY WANT TO COME BACK.THEN DON'T.I WANT YOU TO COME HOME BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME. I DON'T WANT YOU TO COME HOME IF THE REASON IS YOU FEEL SORRY FOR ME.I AM TO BLAME NOT YOU.YOU TRUSTED ME AND I FAILED YOU I TRULY LOVE YOU GIRL AND WILL CONTINUE TO LOVE YOU TILL THE DAY I DIE AND EVEN AFTER THAT, BUT I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.ONE LETTER FROM YOU TELLING ME WE ARE THROUGH AND I PROMISE YOU WILL NEVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN.I THINK BY NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU. I AM WRITING THIS BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN HAVING NIGHTMARES.I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN.YOUR LOVE IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME. I AM SO SORRY FOR HAVING RAISED MY VOICE TO YOU.YOU DESERVED BETTER AND I FEEL LIKE A REAL PIECE OF SHIT FOR HAVING DONE IT.A REAL MAN WOULD HAVE TREATED YOU WITH THE RESPECT YOU DESERVE I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THAT I PROMISE I WILL NEVER DO THAT TO YOU AGAIN.THE THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE AFRAID OF ME IS JUST EATING ME UP INSIDE.I ALWAYS WANTED YOU TO FEEL SAFE WITH ME.I AM JUST BABBLING NOW SO ILL CLOSE FOR NOW AND TRY AND GET SOME SLEEP.BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IF YOU CANT FORGIVE ME I WILL UNDERSTAND. YOU NEVER DESERVED THAT KIND OF TREATMENT ESPECIALLY FROM SOMEONE YOU LOVED.GOODNIGHT MY SWEETNESS. I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOUR CALL IN THE MORNING I TRULY WORSHIP THE GROUND YOU WALK ON.
WITH ALL MY LOVE
LeVant

E-mails

How do I say I want to be the one you turn to whenever your scaredHow do I say your the most beautiful girl I've ever known, even when your standing in the pouring rain no one else even comes close to you How do I tell you I want to be the one to treat you rightHow do I say I won't ever let anyone ever hurt you, and that I would die to keep you safe When do I tell you I love the way your eyes sparkel every time you smile, the way your eyes widen so brightly that you light up the night and then when you giggle my whole body goes warm and tinglyhow do I tell you I never want you to leave and hope you would never want to either...How do I say that I even love you when your angry and i just want you to let all of your frustrationsout on me so you wont want to run anymore...How do I say that no one else even comes close to you, and that's why I don't even bother looking, How do I say I want to be the onethat cares for you every time your sick How do I tell you that I want to be the one holding your hand whenever your sadthrough all of life's problems just so you know it will all be ok againAnd I want to be the one that makes youthe happiest girl alive, every single day of your lifeI want to be the one that makes your life better I want to be the one who never lets you downHow do I say I think of you every minute I'm awakeHow do I tell you your the most amazing person I've ever metHow do I say that just being around you makes my whole day betterHow do I say it doesn't matter what I have as long as I have youHow do I say I want to be the man who grows old with youWhen do I stop all this an just kiss you so softly and passionately you melt into my arms and never want to go anywhere but just stay in that moment foreverHow do I say three little words How do I say I love youHow do I know you won't turn and run.......How do I know you'll say it back to me I can't promise every day will be like a fairytale happy ending but I will try with all of my heart to make you life better I'm so scared you will break my heart I can't bear thinking about living my life without you