my journal

this is a day by day account of my entries into my journal
8/22/09 saturday My wife left and moved to her daughters house in sacramento.we have been togeather 17 years almost 18 years.I can't believe anyone can just throw 18 yearsaway like that..on top of all this.I am using pain pills.They are doctor prescribed but nonetheless i am addicted to them.I am tryingto not take any right now.The pain keepsme from any more crying about marilyn.I miss her so badly.I feel like just rolling over and bieing.After all this time to find out she didn't really love meback.Its just to much for me to bear.Its been11 hours since i took any pain pills.I ache all over.I now have that restless leg feeling you get when you try to stop taking pain pills.I told marilyn on the phone that i loved her very much and needed her back,but she doesn't seem to care.How can a person do this.I just don't understand.I thoughtwe would be togeather for the rest of our livesand even be togeather in heaven after we died.The last couple of days i have been trying to get back in shape.I started jogging so i could lose weight.My legs are now very sore and i can hardly walk.I don't know if i will be able to run tomorrow.we will see.Haven't eaten in 3 days but am not hungry at all.After talking on the phone with marilyn this morning i sent her an e-mail telling her not to phone me anymore because hearing her voice only made mewant to cry some more.I think i am sorry i did that now.so far she hasn't called me.I guess we get what we ask for.